My Father, My King

Perhaps the most profound thing I’ve experienced through our pregnancy loss is learning to trust God as my King. I trusted Him as my Father, my Healer, Provider, Miracle Worker, and so much more. Possibly to the extent of overlooking the fact that He is my King.

The Sovereignty of God could be one of the most challenging things to accept as a Christian.

We have a deep-rooted need to be loved, accepted, comforted, and healed. This is usually what attracts us to God in the first place.

Being drawn to the loving Fathership of God when I was first introduced to Him is what filled the void that was left behind after not-so-healthy relationships with my birth father and other father figures in my early years. I have truly enjoyed spending time with my Heavenly Father and learning to receive His unchanging love. When I am hurt, distraught, insecure, betrayed, or weak, I can go to Him to be built up, supported, loved, strengthened, and encouraged. He is the fulfiller of my emotional voids, my insecurities, my shortcomings, and so much more. It’s the Lord’s Fatherly love that has taught me about my worth, identity, and purpose.

And, while God does desire to fulfill our needs, He cannot trade His will for His children’s desires. It may be a hard lesson to learn, but God can love us unconditionally while still not answering our prayers in the way we want Him to. And, oh, how I have wanted Him to answer my prayers according to my own plans. But I have learned that His will, His purpose, must be more important to us than our own ambitions.

Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”

The purpose of the Lord is not always evident to us, yet it exists. God doesn’t always give us the full picture. And, most times, He cannot give it to us because our finite (limited) minds can’t comprehend the full scope of God’s plans. Yet, His plans still exist! Whether we recognize and accept God’s will, it must come to pass. So, how do we reconcile the two? How do we serve a Father who is also King?

In our human nature, we learn to have a “one or the other” perspective. It’s either “this” or “that”, “black” or “white”, “good” or “bad”. But, could the will of God be both? Can we experience the bad in our own perspective while simultaneously be living in the goodness of God’s plans for us?

To serve God in His Sovereignty, we must learn how to trust in the unknown plans that He has for our lives and for those we love. This is what will carry us in times of illness, confusion, disappointment, loss, and fear.

If God was only my Father, maybe He would have done what a Father does; maybe He would have kept us from the pain of losing our baby. But our God is also King, and my job is to serve my King and be faithful to Him. My job is to trust that, as my King rules and reigns in my life, He sees me and remembers me. He is not being harsh or uncaring towards us when we go through hardship; He simply has a plan. And that plan doesn’t always serve our desires. God doesn’t bow down to our feelings, He doesn’t kneel to our plans, and He won’t surrender to our hopes and dreams.

But, He does care.

I’m reminded of Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, plans to give you hope and a future.” This, like all scriptures, is full of truth and power. But it’s popularly misunderstood. God wasn’t speaking to Israel to fill them with a feel-good message. The word He was delivering through His prophet, Jeremiah, was not necessarily a happy one. Israel was in captivity in Babylon during this time because of their disobedience and idolatry. And right before this verse, God told the people of Israel that they were going to remain slaves for 70 more years.

Seventy. More. Years. Can you imagine the disappointment? The anger and the frustration? My God.

Now, we often hear this scripture as a way to lift our spirits and fill us with confidence that God’s plans are good. But, in the context of the verse, how could this possibly be good for Israel?! As God’s people, imagine how they felt hearing that they would remain in captivity for seventy more years, then (likely in the same breath) Jeremiah shares that God’s plans for them are good. Good? How? Because of God’s Sovereignty. God issued this message to Israel with plans to bring them out and prosper them in the future (seventy years in the future, but still!). He wasn’t desiring to harm them, which is likely why He reminded them that His plans are to give them “hope and a future”.

And I believe the same is true today.

God’s plans for us can cause us some heartache. His plans can be challenging, difficult, and it can seem like they are harmful. But He doesn't make a plan for us today that does not lead us to an expected end. And that’s where our trust comes into play. I’ve heard it said before that trust is faith in action. To trust in God is to go through sorrow while holding onto hope. It is to experience pain while focusing on the truth. And, yes, you can do both simultaneously. To trust in God is not easy, but it’s always worth it.

My Pastor (Warren G. Curry Jr.) says, “if God is not Lord of all, then He’s not Lord at all”. As God’s children, we should be willing to yield to Him and exchange our plans for His. We can’t say that we trust God but then withhold a certain area of our life from Him. We either trust God with everything, or we trust Him with nothing. Because if we withhold one area from Him today, then tomorrow it will be something else.

Are you willing to serve God in His Sovereignty? What areas of your life do you need to surrender to God? And how can you take a step right now, in this moment, to lay down your desires and accept the Lord’s plans?

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